   Words need defenders.

  On Behalf of “Literally”

   You either are a “literally” abuser or know of one. If you’re anything
   like me, hearing the word “literally” used incorrectly causes a little
   piece of your soul to whither and die. Of course I do not mean that
   literally, I mean that figuratively. An abuser would have said: “Every
   time a person uses that word, a piece of my soul literally withers and
   dies.” Which is terribly, horribly wrong.

   For whatever bizarre reason, people feel the need to use literally as a
   sort of verbal crutch. They use it to emphasize a point, which is silly
   because they’re already using an analogy or a metaphor to illustrate said
   point. For example: “Ugh, I literally tore the house apart looking for my
   remote control!” No, you literally did not tear apart your house, because
   it’s still standing. If you’d just told me you “tore your house apart”
   searching for your remote, I would’ve understood what you meant. No need
   to add “literally” to the sentence.

   Maybe I should define literally.

     Literally means actually. When you say something literally happened,
     you’re describing the scene or situation as it actually happened.

   So you should only use literally when you mean it. It should not be used
   in hyperbole. Example: “That was so funny I literally cried.” Which is
   possible. Some things are funny enough to elicit tears. Note the example
   stops with “literally cried.” You cannot literally cry your eyes out. The
   joke wasn’t so funny your eyes popped out of their sockets.

    When in Doubt, Leave it Out

   “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse,” means you’re hungry. You don’t need
   to say “I’m so hungry I could literally eat a horse.” Because you can’t do
   that in one sitting, I don’t care how big your stomach is.

   “That play was so funny I laughed my head off,” illustrates the play was
   amusing. You don’t need to say you literally laughed your head off,
   because then your head would be on the ground and you wouldn’t be able to
   speak, much less laugh.

   “I drove so fast my car was flying,” we get your point: you were speeding.
   But your car is never going fast enough to fly, so don’t say your car was
   literally flying.

    Insecurities?

   Maybe no one believed a story you told as a child, and you felt the need
   to prove that it actually happened. No really, mom, I literally climbed
   the tree. In efforts to prove truth, you used literally to describe
   something real, however outlandish it seemed. Whatever the reason, now
   your overuse of literally has become a habit.

    Hard Habit to Break?

   Abusing literally isn’t as bad a smoking, but it’s still an unhealthy
   habit (I mean that figuratively). Help is required in order to break it.

   This is my version of an intervention for literally abusers. I’m not sure
   how else to do it other than in writing. I know this makes me sound like a
   know-it-all, and I accept that. But there’s no excuse other than blatant
   ignorance to misuse the word “literally.” So just stop it.

   Don’t say “Courtney, this post is so snobbish it literally burned up my
   computer.” Because nothing is that snobbish that it causes computers to
   combust. Or: “Courtney, your head is so big it literally cannot get
   through the door.” Because it can, unless it’s one of those tiny doors
   from Alice in Wonderland and I need to eat a mushroom to make my whole
   body smaller.

    No One’s Perfect

   And I’m not saying I am. I’m trying to restore meaning to a word that’s
   lost meaning. I’m standing up for literally. It’s a good word when used
   correctly. People are butchering it and destroying it every day
   (figuratively speaking) and the massacre needs to stop. Just as there’s a
   coalition of people against the use of certain fonts (like Comic Sans and
   Papyrus), so should there be a coalition of people against the abuse of
   literally.

    Saying it to Irritate?

   Do you misuse the word “literally” just to annoy your know-it-all or
   grammar police friends/acquaintances/total strangers? If so, why? Doing so
   would be like me going outside when it’s freezing, wearing nothing but a
   pair of shorts and t-shirt in hopes of making you cold by just looking at
   me. Who suffers more?

    Graphical Representation

   Matthew Inman of “The Oatmeal” wrote a comic about literally. Abusers and
   defenders alike should check it out. It’s clear this whole craze about
   literally is driving a lot of us nuts. You literally abusers are killing
   off pieces of our souls. You must be stopped, or the world will be lost to
   meaninglessness forever. Figuratively speaking.
